


An Envisioned Beginning of Season Eight

by stuck_as_sarah



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 09:08:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1773601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuck_as_sarah/pseuds/stuck_as_sarah





	An Envisioned Beginning of Season Eight

Dean watched Sam drive his baby so naturally and comfortably it made him think of when he used to sit in that drivers seat and steal glances at him, now he seemed to not even look at Dean like he used to when Dean would look away and Sam caught glances of his own. What had happened to Sam in the past year, what the hell happened while he was gone? Well at least, he thought, it can ease my mind that baby and Sam are okay, especially Sammy.  
The second he got into the passenger seat he knew everythings changed, even moreso than the many times before. Just by the stench of wet dog in baby's upholstery he could tell he'd never see the old Sammy he remembered, he might never see this Sammy again for all he knew, so he had to ask, “Who is she Sammy? And a dog, really, in baby?” Dean tried to keep his eyes from showing how desperately he wished Sam would look at him, just once even if it was for the last time before saying goodbye. He couldn't help but hope he'd say it doesn't matter and that he'll stay or that he was just waiting for Dean to somehow come back, but he couldn't ask that of Sam.  
“Amelia, her names Amelia, and the dog is Riot...” Great, not at all what he would want to hear, but he couldn't get mad at Sam for trying to be happy and have a regular civilian life as they might say, that's what we always wanted for each other, right? He already started to hate himself, even just returning from purgatory, with the twinge of jealous he felt in the pit of his stomach at the mention of her name. Without a constant monster to kill or even a goal each day and night to stay alive he realized he had time to think and feel all these feelings again and he almost hated that too. “Well great, that's so good for you Sam, wanna know what I've been doin' the past year? Oh, nothing too important just trying to keep alive and kill Leviathans and all kinds of sons of bitches.” I guess you could say he gave up on not looking desperate and showed how hurt he felt. His sort of outburst didn't really help the hatred for himself churning within along with that jealousy, but there was also anger there too, just stewing away at the thought Sam possibly didn't want to look or even find him.  
“I didn't ask anything of you, Dean. I was just doing what you would want. Like you with Lisa and Ben-” He almost lost it then, thought for a second fuck it to holding back his anger. “Don't even compare this to that, don't even mention them. You had a whole year to come back to me and even when you did I had half a brother and a psychopathic one at that. I just disappeared with Cas after there was some exloding dick, as if I could've predicted that, you could have thought about me at least tried-”  
“Dean... don't even say that.” At that moment Sam finally looked at him, the whole time he had just been desperately studying Sam, hoping he would turn to look at him with the young eyes that brought him back to when they were kids, holding Sam and telling him dad would be home soon and that he has him and the sad hopeful look he gave as he looked up and smiled. All he could see were broken pieces of his little brother. Those sad hopeful eyes gone along with the chubby twelve year old he called Sammy, he wondered if he would ever see something in Sam again to remind him of that. A knot twisted inside his gut thinking he most likely wouldn't. Dean didn't know how to respond already lost in thought, but he knew he reflected the same desperation and possibly broken pieces that he thought he saw in Sam eyes. A pang of guilt in him brought on a lot of anger at the thought of why the hell he should be the one feeling guilty. Why does this shit always happen to us? I shouldn't feel bad, I have a right to say this to Sam, he thought, but he still wanted that look in his eyes to never be there again, for something he did to be the cause of it never appearing again.  
“Do you love her?” He managed to get out, but failed to keep the crack out of his voice on the word love and attempted to clear his throat, maybe pass it off as being thirsty and his throat being dry. “...Yeah, Dean I do.” Even with his low hum of his soft voice and his eyes staring at his feet then back up to look at the endless road, it was like a knife through his chest that he had to pretend wasn't there, he just had to pretend there was an ache by his heart when he said it. Out of all the things he's gone up against the thought that Sam might one day, if not now, be taken away from him not by the force of some monster but he might just decide to leave and not look back. With either one he feels he'd blame himself somehow. He imagined maybe he'd get married and have a few kids and slowly forget me, as much as Dean wants a normal life for Sam that he blames myself for taking away from him most the time when he thinks too hard about it, he wants him here with him for Sam to not turn away from him even if hunting is all Dean ever saw for himself.  
“Well...that's great Sammy, I'm glad you're happy...” he said quietly and turned over to lean into the seat and stare out the window, he couldn't look at Sam any longer, he didn't want to hear him respond. Sam caught the hint, noticed him shrink into the leather, and didn't say anymore Dean just squeezed his eyes shut behind burning tears and attempted to get a little shut eye. He hoped to dream that he'd wake to Sam wanting to stay with him, not forget him, and not leave him for a normal life he felt he couldn't live himself.


End file.
